March was the most difficult month, for my relationship and for my self-esteem.
I don’t think I have written yet about my breakup that took place earlier in the year. Overall, this whole year has been difficult on my relationship. Finishing school, not knowing if our paths match, and whatever reasons couples make to complicate their lives took place. When Brittany and I experienced our separation from our long term relationships, we were lost. It is a very sad thing to admit but I realized I had lost my sense of self, that I had lost touch of everything important to me and we decided to build ourselves back up again.
Even though Ethan and I got back together, there was difficulty in trusting again and believing in myself. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong, if I had become too ugly, or if he just fell out of love with me. I thought it was going well. I knew I was in love, but I guess he became comfortable. I really don’t understand what happened. 3 days later, he called me and said he was sorry and begged for me to go back to him. I felt betrayed and heartbroken. I went back to my relationship with hesitation.
Months later (8 months), it feels like nothing happened but I remember to keep true to myself, to remember my dreams, and to never let go of who I am. Going into the desert and hiking gave us peace and hope that we will figure out our paths in life. I was thankful to have my best friend with me yet saddened that she was going though the same thing with me. I was thankful that she took care of me and she knows I will always be there for her.