Days pass too quickly, too quickly for me to remember some of them. This blog has allowerd me to track many beautiful memories of my life. Some memories are lost when I forgot to take a photo or decided to let go of people who are not as beautiful as I thought. Days pass too quickly for me to think about the week before and daydream about a soothing bath and glass of wine. Some days I can grasp when I remember that other day when the air felt good when I put my hair in a bun or I caught all my busses on time. Right now, I realized I have fallen way too far behind with this blog so we will see where it goes. I still want to tell my food stories, share stories of the few friends I have. I can tell you about my days that are good, I don’t like to reveal the dissapointing ones. My best days are with the love of my life.
In the time we missed, I lived out of a suitcase. My partner lived in Phoenix and I stayed in Tucson. Every weekend I would hitch a ride on a shuttle and wait at the airport for my boyfriend to pick me up. Months passed, they felt like days. Traveling many miles made me feel important like a boss who has many thriving businesses, or a youth who is searching for their soul and travels to find meaning. I listened to so many albums on my phones, well mostly ABBA and NWA. I played many hours on Farm Heros Saga, read books, slept, stared out the window and wondered what was out there in the vast desert, miles and miles of dirt. The sunset hugged the earth and all I could do was think about my reunion with my lover. I can remember the excitement I felt when I would see him.
I have used this blog to share a bit about my life. I know I am not the best person in this world. I make mistakes and hurt people. I just want people to know that I live day by day. Sometimes I am really poor, and sometimes I have troubles in my relationship. I fight, I yell,I cry just like everyone else. I have made very bad decisions in the past year that almost ruined my world. During Christmas week, I have never suffered so much guilt. Forgiveness was the best gift I received, a second chance.
This year, I will pick up the pieces and hope I can be someone new. I take all my life expeierences with me and I want to learn. It sounds silly from someone almost turning 26, come on, I am a fucking adult. I don’t know shit. That is what I have learned. I hear it in my head:
You were supposed to be a good person.
Why did you do that?
this year i want to learn how to be a better person.
I want to find people who make me better
I want to improve
I want my boyfriend to know I love him.
This is me. This is Claudia.